A few nights ago, I found myself on the verge of tears and frustration. These past few weeks have been filled with never ending chaos. It was becoming too much and all at once. Everything was adding up. The endless daily, weekly, and monthly to-do list had begun to over pour from the pages of my planner. The car accident I had gotten into was unpredictable. A few family emergencies came about. Unexpected series of events began to push me below the waters. I began to grow weary; there had been so much anxiety building up through the unexpected turn of events along with a pile of work that had to get done.
That night, when I was at my breaking point, I found myself sinking. It felt as if there was a storm in front of me and I was drowning in the waters.
It was during this time of chaos, that I thought about one of my favorite readings from the Gospel of Matthew, when Jesus walked on water and pulled Peter out of the storm.
The disciples had seen Jesus walking on water through the storm and Jesus commanded Peter to come to him. Through the power of Jesus, Peter began to walk on water and towards Jesus. But the moment Peter took his eyes of Jesus and became consumed in the storm, he sank into the water, into the storm.
Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”
It’s the nights when we feel defeated and overwhelmed. When we are on our knees, eyes to the sky, and arm stretched above. It’s in these moments when we realize the medicine to our chaos, the remedy.
Because although the cure to our distress was journeying along side us and waiting for us, we allowed ourselves to come to a place of exhaustion and frustration as we tried to figure it all out on our own.
The story of Jesus walking on water does not end with Peter sinking beneath the waves. The story continues when Peter surrenders and cries out to Jesus for help, and Jesus then reaches to grab ahold of Peter’s hand to pull him out and above the waves. In his moment of distress, Peter lifted his arms up in the air and said, “Lord save me.”
He cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him. – Matthew 14:30-31
Jesus is the one who breaks down our walls when all we see in our lives is amount of chaos adding up. Because on those days, when we are on our knees and arms stretched up in surrender, He will pull us out of the waters, out of the storm. He is our remedy, our peace.
Maybe the secret to overcoming unexpected anxieties that arise is surrender. Surrender in allowing His will to be done in the mist of what may seem to be chaos. But to also hold on to the faith that He is good and He will never give us anything that we can’t handle.
Jesus is journeying with us, this life we cannot go through without Him by our side. Sometimes surrender also includes putting aside our pride of always believing we can figure this life out on our own, and allowing His will to flow through our life.
With surrender also comes trust. Trust in that His goodness and love for us is alive. Trust in that He will never let go or abandon us.
On the days when I am on my knees in defeat, I learn to allow my heart to surrender and trust that He is good. My comfort lies in knowing that He is good and I am His beloved. When the storm comes along with darkness, my peace lies in knowing He will lead me through it and above the waters.