The clouds surrounded me as I sat at the foot of my grandpa’s grave with a dozen red roses in my hand. I had closed my eyes and buried myself in reflection of this past year. There has been a great amount of tragedy and pain, filled with unanswered questions. As I buried myself into thought, I began to chant the words from the song “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music. Repeatedly, I began to say, “I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.” As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw the sun break through the clouds and shine directly at me.
Looking back at 2016, I see enslavement. I see enslavement from depression, anxiety, grief, temptation, and sin. I see fear of change and losing control of what happens in my life. This year had been my breaking point. It has been completely overwhelming and filled with plenty of unexpected turns and jolts. A few months ago, I became so overwhelmed by the downfalls of everything in my life that it seemed impossible to escape. I didn’t understand why God put me where I am now, why I struggled to be free of my depression, why my grandpa had to pass away or why it felt as if I was losing control of everything happening in my life. I didn’t know what to do or how to change it.
A few weeks after this, I had found myself in Eucharistic Adoration. On my heart I was carrying around chains of enslavement that had been weighing me down. I realized I had nothing to offer up to Jesus, except for the broken pieces, that I had then decided to surrender and lie at his feet. I closed my eyes and prayed hard that night. I didn’t want to be captivated anymore. I didn’t want to be a slave. I wanted to be free of the enslavement of my depression and of my own understanding. I didn’t want to lean on my own understanding but his. I didn’t want to be slave; I was never supposed to be a slave. I AM A CHILD OF GOD and that’s who I always was and always will be.
Looking back at 2016, I see beauty and love. I see freedom from enslavement and I see love that had always surrounded me though it all. Through the pain and hurt, I had realized that a lot of it was for a purpose. I realized that God’s timing and plans for my life are better than anything I could have ever imagined for myself. There are still many things that I am still not sure why they had to happen, but I know that whatever the reason maybe, God has a purpose. I still have a lot to work on, in the case of my actions and words that I strive to reflect the title of being a child of God, but I know it is not impossible. 2017 is going to be filled with opportunity to take back the lost time in my enslavement to fully act and carry myself as being a woman of God.
In 2017 I will:
- See myself as a daughter of God
- Give control to God everyday
- Lean on his understanding and not mine
- Love others with all my heart
- Grow deeper in my faith.
These are a few goals that I have set for myself and I am sure many of you also set resolutions for yourselves. But why should you have to wait? Why should you have to wait until 2017 to start those resolutions? Why do you have to wait until the clock strikes midnight to claim your new freedom and beginning? Why wait, why not start now? There is never an exact set time to start over and begin again. Each morning is a new beginning. And although we may fall, each day God wants to pull us out of our enslavements. God didn’t call us to be slaves captivated by sin, but as being his children. We are all sons and daughters of God.
So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child, and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir